Are you incredibly fast compared to ordinary humans? Are you able to accomplish 10 tasks at once? Do people seem nervous when they’re around you? If so, it could only mean one of two things: 1) you are a disarmingly handsome superhero, or 2) you are impatient as hell. If the preceding descriptors are too vague for you to be certain the “impatient” description fits you, see how many items you have to check off the list below. (Hint: If it’s more than half, you’re definitely impatient as hell.)
1. You never let the microwave finish counting down.
2. If your Internet connection is slower than usual, you have heart palpitations.
3. You arrive everywhere early and are kind of annoyed by people who merely arrive on time.
4. You know with bone-chilling certainty that the “close door” b*ttons in elevators are complete bullshit.
5. You refuse to use grocery coupons because you can’t deal with the time it takes to clip and organize them.
6. The person in front of you at a traffic light has about .5 seconds to move their a*s when the light turns green before you lay on your horn.
7. You are utterly baffled by people who do not feel the need to hurry.
8. You squeeze your pee out as fast as you can. (It’s okay, you don’t have to admit to anyone that you do this. Just know that we know.)
9. When you walk with someone, you are always in front. If they want to walk beside you, they need to learn to walk faster.
10. You put dinner in the oven without bothering to preheat.
11. At amusement parks, you race from attraction to attraction like a lunatic because you can’t stand the thought of missing anything due to walking too slowly. Also, if there’s a crazy-long line? Forget it.
12. You can’t be bothered with ironing because it just takes too freaking long.
13. When your significant other forgets his wallet and you have to turn the car back around to go get it, you seriously contemplate divorce.
14. When you’re texting someone and the three little dots appear more than once, you desperately want to text: “????”
15. Your kid didn’t tie his shoes until the third grade because you kept saying “Ugh, just let me do it.”
16. If you’re on hold for more than a minute, you hang up. They will just have to call you back.
17. You burn your mouth regularly because you can’t wait for your coffee to cool before sipping it.
18. You don’t understand the point of “leisurely strolls.”
19. You refuse to buy sandals that buckle or any type of shoes that require effort to put on. Also, your running shoes are laced just loosely enough that you can slide them on by almost breaking your finger while jamming your heel into place.
20. You didn’t even make it all the way to the end of this list.